Newly Weds (Iraqi Version)
Iraq nowdays March 18th, 2007After a couple of snowy days, today was a nice day. It was a nice day until few minutes ago. I was talking to a very close friend of mine. His story is my Iraqi version of newly weds.
He got married few months ago. He and his wife worked in the same company, in which I worked a couple of years back in Baghdad. They started preparing for their wedding and their apartment. The apartment was a small part in the second floor of the guy’s parents’ house. This is how it used to be in Iraq. The not-rich people in Iraq used to get married and live in the guy’s parents’ house. This is due to the high cost of buying or renting a house. And even when people did have the money enough to rent apart from their parents, they did not. Everybody usually do this for a couple of reasons; to save some money that can be useful in the future and to keep company of the new bride so she wouldn’t feel lonely and away from her family.
During that time, I was constantly in touch with both of them as both of them were my friends. They used to tell me about every single tiny thing they buy for their small studio apartment in the second floor. I even started imagining what it looks like. The small table here with the small candles all over it. And the small kitchen that they always said would not be enough for me to get in. I was not lucky enough to attend their wedding. I was stuck here in the ********** called Amman. It was a simple wedding in a lovely park in ‘Harithya’. The family and close friends attended the nice and cozy wedding.
Few weeks later the couple came to Amman for a few days for business reasons. We spent sometime together remembering the old days in Baghdad. This business trip was the replacement of they honeymoon.
Few weeks after they went back, they received a threat. The couple was half-sunni and half-shiite. But the district they lived in was under the domination of Al-Qaida in Baghdad. Yes, and area in Baghdad under the control of Al-Qaida. And Al-Qaida folks did not like the sunni-shiite mixture of that house. So, they have to leave. No matter how much they loved their little home. No matter if it was their home. No matter if they did not have another place to go to. No matter if they have the right to be at their home. They had to leave.
These threats were real. Many families in the neighborhood had to leave their homes. And those who did not take the threats seriously, had to pay. They did not have to pay money; they paid the lives of their kids or themselves.
On the other hand, the girl’s family got a threat too for living in the wrong sectarian area. And they had to leave too.
Suddenly, the three families had no where to live in. And the sectarian violence did not stop there. They threatened the families that leave their homes not to rent or sell the house.
Someone’s house is like the conclusion of their whole lives. It’s the last resort to the whole family. It’s the place to go when you are in trouble. How would you feel if all of this is just gone?
The newly weds left their small house along with their small dreams. They just had to leave everything behind as the Al-Qiada message told them.
Under which law is someone authorized to kill someone else’s dreams and hopes?
The newly weds are now cruising around the country, looking for a place that can accept the sunni-shiite mixture with no hard feelings.
Thank you Mr.George Bush
Thank you Maliki
And my thanks extends to everyone participated in giving the Iraqis this NEW LIFE.

March 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Hey dude, it’s nice to know that there are some Iraqi bloggers still in Amman (like myself). Keep it up…and also, erm, XXXX
l8er
March 18th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Welcome Konfused Kid. Yes he is the same Moh’d. He one of my best friends. (Sorry I had to edit your comment to erase the names).
March 19th, 2007 at 10:39 am
I am so sorry to hear about the newsly weds. What a terrible start to a married life. I understand that mixed Shia/Sunni marriages were once common in Iraq and no-one minded. It is yet another stark example of how bad things have become when these “mixed” marriages are not accepted.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:54 am
No one minded at all. And almost all the families I know have such marriages. It was never a problem and no one thought that it would be one day.
March 20th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
BI,
I realize you didn’t say anything about this specifically, but the tone of the question and of your answer suggests a certain false myth (IMO) believed by many educated Iraqis.
Those Sunnis and Shi’a Iraqis who have truly no problem with intermarrying are still marrying each other as your post attests. However, I think that the current problems Baghdad faces today shows many Sunni Arab Iraqis were living under a certain delusion under Saddam:
– because Saddam’s regime *did* make illegal certain rites and holidays in the Shi’a religion and
– because being Shi’a carried the taint of disloyalty (as evidenced by Sunni Arabs today regularly equating Shi’a ascendancy in Iraq with Persian dominance).
– therefore Shi’as didn’t make much public noise about their sect and it was consider rude, *even malicious* for a non-Shi’a to make much of someone’s Shi’a religion.
In other words, under Saddam, Iraqis paid no attention to each other’s religion NOT because it *didn’t* matter, but because it very much *did*.
Incidentally, I also know that it was not at all uncommon in Iraq for a man to convert to the religion of his wife’s family for the sake of marriage. This, once again, suggests that difference between Shi’a and Sunni were an issue to many many Muslim Iraqis.
March 20th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
CMARII,
Saddam was not Sunni neither he favourited Sunni people over Shiite. Saddam made the lives of his relatives and ***-lickers easy, and made everybody else’s life hard.
And Iraqi people did not hide their hatred to each other before the occupation. It simply did not exist..!!
Before the occupation, what would make a Shiite bride’s father agree that his daughter marry a Sunni guy if he did not like it??
There was no such thing as distinguishing between people upon their sect. And FYI, Iraq could not be divided by sect. The south was not completely Shiite and the west was not completely Sunni as they are now. This amplification of sacterian violence is a direct product of the occupation. It is backed by regional forces ranging from Iran to Kuwait to Saudi Arabia and a long long list. Anyone having a problem (or avoiding to have a problem) with the states would just jump into Iraq. Its a good war zone with no local repercussions.
March 20th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
in Europe live thousands of iraq and muslim persons.All we want peace.Our situation of convivence is possible but only a few persons they donīt want but is minority.The solution is begin for the parts(iraq) sit for to talking and solve the differences.
All we want in Europe for Peace will become in Iraq. Is neccesary now.
March 20th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
Jose,
Thank you for the calm call for peace that you carry along. Everyone wants to live in peace. The problem is the political leaders in Iraq need to have sacterian violence so they would remain in the leadership.
March 21st, 2007 at 1:00 am
BlogIraqi,
You place me in a difficult position, disagreeing with an Iraqi about Iraq. No matter how many anecdotal examples I present would have to lay the soul of every Iraqi on a laboratory slab to prove what I say is true.
Fortunately, I have an Iraqi blogger to say it for me. Ali at Free Iraqi was raised in a ethnically Sunni home. He has said that he converted to Shi’a when he married. He also discusses here about the undercurrent of resentment between the sects that quietly brewed under Saddam.
(btw, Ali’s blog -which he doesn’t post at anymore- is syllable-per-syllable the most level-headed, even-handed, informative Iraqi blog ever written. I can’t recommend it enough.)
BlogIraqi:Before the occupation, what would make a Shiite brides father agree that his daughter marry a Sunni guy if he did not like it??
What would make him do it since Saddam’s deposing? The same thing…he happens to be a person who doesn’t particularly care one way or the other about Muslim sects but his bride’s parents do. So he converts to please his in-laws so they will be comforted that their children will be their religion. This happens all the time in the US among Christian sects and all with all religions. That doesn’t mean that many Shi’a holidays and practices weren’t prohibited or that there wasn’t something suspicious about being Shi’a in Saddam’s Iraq.
Your implications that Anbar wasn’t primarily Sunni under Saddam, that southern Iraq wasn’t primarily Shi’a, and that Saddam was not Sunni…well, I don’t know where you are getting that.
Are you saying the demographics of those entire provinces were over-turned since March 2003? Come on! In 1991, I saw analyses of the ethnic sectarian break-down of Iraq (Kurd, Sunni, Shi’a) by Middle East experts that claimed if we removed Saddam Iraq would instantly divide along those lines with roughly those same borders: West, South, and Northeast.
Are you saying that Saddam was not a truly religious person? That (almost) goes without saying. One could say the same of Osama bin Laden. But after 1991, Saddam consistently draped himself in religious imagery and he gave millions in embezzled Oil-for-Food money to build Sunni mosques. No…Saddam was an ethnic Sunni Muslim. He wasn’t Sufi and he, sure as sheol, wasn’t Shi’a.
March 21st, 2007 at 10:20 am
CMAR,
Again we fall into the same circle and you drive me to say that “You talk like you know all about Iraq”. The ease of covnersion from Sunni to Shiite and the opposite only strengthen my point. My point is there was no difference between Sunni and Shiite before the occupation. I know lots of Sunni families who lived and worked in Najaf and Kerbala. And on the other hand, I knew so many Shiite families living and working in Ramadi and Falluja.
The reports that you read in 1991 were not accurate. You should ask Iraqis who lived in Iraq.
And about Saddam, he was not a Sunni Muslim. He desguised his acts like that so he would get sympathy from the Arabs.
March 21st, 2007 at 3:50 pm
BlogIraqi,
Note that I predicted your trump card that you must be right and I must be wrong because you are Iraqi. I presented you with an Iraqi who self-evidently disagrees with you. So please tell me which of you is more Iraqi so I can choose between you.
Furthermore, you are under a misapprehension. I am in constant contact with Iraqis in Iraq including (especially) Kurds. If you think Kurds left Iraq because they were torn from the able leadership of Saddam by Barzani and Talabani, then you might as well have been born on the moon for all the insight it has given you into Iraqi Kurds.
Iraqi Kurdistan was cut off from the Iraqi power grid by Saddam after he lost control of it. The power equipment they sold to Iran was useless for 12 years. Barzani and Talabani did not act as angels as they squared off for political control rather than put the good of their people first. It would not surprise me at all if they used some of the Oil-For-Funds for their organizations, but your implication that the Kurds got all the money due them from Saddam but their leaders stole it is nothing more than Saddam’s B.S.
Iraqi Kurdistan in the 1990s was a hell-hole for a lot of reasons. Not all of them were Saddam’s doing. But if you think the Kurds (as a whole) did not view Saddam as their primary oppressor, then you don’t know them.
—-
The fact that there were Shi’a in Fallujah and Sunnis in Basrah and Arabs in Erbil is totally…beyond any discussion…irrelevant. That doesn’t change the fact that Fallujah was always *predominantly* Sunni. And that many people in the far western parts of Anbar never knowingly had a Shi’a enter their villages. The south of Iraq was always *predominantly* Shi’a. Your assertion that you “knew Sunnis” that lived and worked there is a laughable straw-man. Iran has agents in southern Baghdad because it is predominantly Shi’a. It is not predominantly Shi’a because Iran exported agents there. That’s ridiculous.
This discussion has been enlightening to me however in that it fleshes out more fully the myths Iraqi Sunni tell each other about Iraq and Saddam.
March 21st, 2007 at 4:17 pm
CMAR,
Predicting that I am Sunni, and proving to yourself that you know about Iraq more than Iraqis has cleared out what kind of person you are.
You remind me so much of someone I used to know;
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=06/08/21/1348229
I believe that we are reaching no where with this discussion because you are not willing to change what you believe even if its proven wrong, and I am not willing to change what I believe. Thank you for stopping by, and have a nice day.
March 21st, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Very well, BlogIraqi.
It seems to me that I’m the only one offering proof and authoritative witnesses and that you have only offered gratuitous assertions.
If that is the extent of your proof, then you are probably right that there is little point in me troubling your fairyland.
Hey look! There’s Saddam going to a Bahai temple!
March 21st, 2007 at 4:31 pm
CMAR,
Thank you for stopping by. Have a nice day.
April 1st, 2007 at 2:24 pm
i don’t get why people even bring up sunni/shia divides as though they are significant. People cannot rest when there is peace and unity - there is always someone who has to reinforce minor differences that shudnt even matter. i’m a sunni, and the guy i want to marry is shia. Until his mother decided to act like the mother in law from hell, i never even thought it mattered in the slightest. The first thing she asked wen he first mentioned me is whether i was shia or not, upon finding out i’m not…firmly told him there’s no way its happening! what do you do wen people insist on division, and im sorry to say its mainly shias, in my experience, who persist with distancing themselves. Muslims should open up their minds and stop focusing on trivial things like where our hands shud be whilst we pray
Acceptance = first step towards peace
April 1st, 2007 at 6:13 pm
starski,
I feel sorry for you for the ill-minded mother of law that you were supposed to have.
Things have came to a point where poeple just stopped thinking. The minds are set to rest and people act by their confused emotions. Acting by the emotions in a time that only death is in the air, is a great loss. People have to understand that they are the only losers of all that is happening.
Please stop by again, and I hope things will evolve well for you eventually.
April 4th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
thanks for your reply, i agree with what you said, it’s this imbalance between using both the head and the heart for making decisions which leads to corruption… i dont know how to deal with such people though, you can’t exactly force them to see sense, you have to wait for it to happen naturally which may take years or in some cases that i know of, very unlikely to ever happen at all
great site btw
April 4th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Thank you.
April 12th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
After listning to all the B.S. put out by the president and his cronies in the Good old US ofA.about Iran being the bad guy whereas they are supplying bombs,arms and training to Iraques to KILL AMERICAN SOLDIERS.
It is time some one made light of the fact that the U.S.A.
supplied weapons and training to the Taliban in afganastan
to Kill RUSSIAN SOLDIERS and shoot down helicopters with the Stinger missle.And once the RUSSIANS left.and the TALIBAN wouldn’t follow thier bidding.They turned on them.
And so created 911.
The GOOD OL USA always have a double standard when it comes to them.Kick them out of IRAQ because if you don’t they will TAKE EVERY THING YOU HAVE
and you will be left with NOTHING.